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I'm Caitlin Blyth and I'm not good enough for anything or anybody. I have never felt more alone than I do at this very moment. I have been proven to time and time again to not let my wall down, ever and not trust people no matter how many empty promises they makes.
I like cuddles, fire, late nights, fairy lights, the colour blue, music, polar bears, pandas, penguins and long talks.
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I can’t do it anymore…
I thought once I had you back, things would go back to normal and I would be the person I used to be. Now, I hate myself more than ever. I just generally dislike people and mostly for no reason. I’ve been bullied throughout my school years because I have never been good enough for society’s image of perfect - I’m not skinny or pretty… I wish I was. The way I coped with it through primary school was by eating more as a source of comfort but it only made the situation worse than it already was. I never showed people who the real me was, it was hidden behind all of the pain and the bullying that I had suffered over the years.
I hate the person I am, the person I have become. I’m just now coming to terms with the fact that the person I thought I was and was proud that I wasn’t faking it is somebody that I never wanted to be and that person is somebody which nobody really likes. I hear people constantly say ‘fuck the haters’ or ‘it doesn’t matter what people think’… In reality, people’s thoughts mean everything.
I can’t do this anymore… I can’t live like this anymore. I just want to die - I want to end all this pain and suffering. I don’t want to wake up in the morning and hide everything, my mental illness behind a fake smile. I just generally don’t want to wake up in the morning. I’m too cowardly to just end it though… Another part of me being a failure and not good enough.
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